Zero Expertise Massage | James Acaster

  • Am Vor Monat

    James AcasterJames Acaster

    Dauer: 05:34

    I'm not talking sexy massages here, get your head out of the gutter. I have a genuine muscular complaint.
    Taken from Live at the Apollo (Series 11 Episode 5)
    Welcome to the OFFICIAL DE-film channel of James Acaster, the number one coolest channel on the net: You may recognise James from the Netflix Trelogy “Repertoire”, or his countless appearances on Mock The Week, 8 out of 10 cats and Would I Lie To You, or heard him as the genie on the award-winning podcast “Off Menu”. Here you can watch stand up clips, TV appearances and more EXCLUSIVE content.
    Subscribe to the channel here - bit.ly/30xyJMr
    Visit my website for future news and tour dates www.jamesacaster.com/
    #JamesAcaster #Comedy #StandUp

Snoep Animation
Snoep Animation

You should really give up smoking, James.

Vor 2 Tage
Ryan Ward
Ryan Ward

Last thing I’m expecting at this point is an ambush 😂

Vor 26 Tage
Jaimin Trivedi
Jaimin Trivedi

He;s a handsome bloke.

Vor 29 Tage
Andy
Andy

Why do people repeat lines we just literally heard him say.....🤷‍♂️

Vor Monat
Solly Worth
Solly Worth

Sorry... just me or is that Billie Piper at 3:01 ?? I mean I know it’s not but sure looks like her lol

Vor Monat
Shauka Hodan
Shauka Hodan

"Wing that, chance it, it's not your back" 🤣😂🤣

Vor Monat
Aryan Hegde
Aryan Hegde

His pronounciation of massage is triggering

Vor Monat
Young Prunejuice
Young Prunejuice

I used to give my mom massages and yea this is basically how it is

Vor Monat
Hannah Wayman
Hannah Wayman

I'm really not a fan of stand-up comedy but james acaster is different, he is just so funny

Vor Monat
aola wili
aola wili

"Wing that, chance it, it's not your back" 🤣😂🤣

Vor Monat
jack linton
jack linton

James, when this whole covid mess is all over would you mind popping down to Australia for a few live shows?

Vor Monat
Fatima Yeaten
Fatima Yeaten

I love this guy Hi James 😎🤣🤩😍😍✋✋

Vor Monat
Fatima Yeaten
Fatima Yeaten

I don't know what you mean 🤨

Vor Monat
aola wili
aola wili

Hello don’t want to pester but if you’ve got access to all his tv performances would you be able to upload his performance from the John bishop show I think it got cancelled af

Vor Monat
Andrew
Andrew

Don't get the turn on light joke?? 🤔

Vor Monat
Hannah Wayman
Hannah Wayman

He's sort of just saying that when you turn a light on after being in pitch black it sort of hits you like a punch in the face

Vor Monat
monika laosi
monika laosi

"Wing that, chance it, it's not your back" 🤣😂🤣

Vor Monat
Marcus Lindgren
Marcus Lindgren

And then they complain that you're not good at massaging, like you've told them you are a skilled massage therapist and expects anything better than it feeling kinda nice.

Vor Monat
AJ Aggabao
AJ Aggabao

Who is uploading this? Are you Jason Mckenzie?!!

Vor Monat
monika laosi
monika laosi

Hardest part of jury duty

Vor Monat
neejoy sola
neejoy sola

Petition to pronounce cabbage as you pronounce massage. And vice versa.

Vor Monat
neejoy sola
neejoy sola

Petition to pronounce cabbage as you pronounce massage. And vice versa.

Vor Monat
Authorise
Authorise

Perhaps the most weird and cool guy ever

Vor Monat
Piers
Piers

In British English "dice" is both the singular and plural form* Using "die" as the singular is considered archaic* So, feel free to correct people that have listened to too many Americans :) *OED/Lexico.

Vor Monat
neejoy sola
neejoy sola

He's a breeze of fresh air

Vor Monat
Steven croucher Speaking
Steven croucher Speaking

Is he German ?lol

Vor Monat
Nathan Corvera
Nathan Corvera

Interesting choice of intro music: Finale by Madeon

Vor Monat
Rosie Posie
Rosie Posie

was looking for this! i LOVE it

Vor 28 Tage
Will Pollard
Will Pollard

anyway so james is my last hope in humanity,, but that is fine and normal and healthy

Vor Monat
Caleb Erbland
Caleb Erbland

1:01 big Tom Cruise

Vor Monat
Jack Dog
Jack Dog

Oh my god the miming getting blinded by the lamp is the best callback

Vor Monat
Kate Flanders
Kate Flanders

“We called him James 1, and me; Wolf, I got to choose my own name”

Vor Monat
Ed Dy
Ed Dy

Meh

Vor Monat
MIKE TYTHON
MIKE TYTHON

Hello don’t want to pester but if you’ve got access to all his tv performances would you be able to upload his performance from the John bishop show I think it got cancelled after about one series in about 2014-15 it was the first time I had seen James andI remember it being hilarious (obviously) but it’s no where to be found on the internet would appreciate an upload if you do have it. But if not it’s groovy

Vor Monat
Toby Fergie18
Toby Fergie18

James acaster , the biggest roadman around 🤣

Vor Monat
Vicki Garner
Vicki Garner

I love you james #laughmeintobed

Vor Monat
M. Hvistendal
M. Hvistendal

Hardest part of jury duty

Vor Monat
Damia Zaifor
Damia Zaifor

'Its not your back'😂😂😂

Vor Monat
ShemaB
ShemaB

"...chance it, it's not your back." 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Vor Monat
Russell Chapman Esq.
Russell Chapman Esq.

Not even close to funny.

Vor Monat
Tushar Yadav
Tushar Yadav

Petition to pronounce cabbage as you pronounce massage. And vice versa.

Vor Monat
l h
l h

He's a breeze of fresh air

Vor Monat
TheCityCat
TheCityCat

You should 100% increase your online presence, you are incredibly funny and your humour is very appealing to us zoomers.

Vor Monat
laura needs batteries
laura needs batteries

Me looking at the background instead of listening 👁👄👁

Vor Monat
Paul Tapping
Paul Tapping

33 people really wanted the world to know they don't have a functioning sense of humour

Vor Monat
Athanasios Matsolas
Athanasios Matsolas

"Cool James" profile pic :D

Vor Monat
uneasycylinder. png
uneasycylinder. png

I’ve watched this at least twice before and it still doesn’t fail to make me laugh, almost 100% James is my favourite Comedian

Vor Monat
Joseph.D.Peel
Joseph.D.Peel

Finally some James Acaster clips I haven’t seen

Vor Monat
Riddle me this
Riddle me this

He has a thing on Netflix, if you haven't seen that.

Vor Monat
Akabo Aye
Akabo Aye

Forced my girlfriend to watch this. I am never getting a massage again.

Vor Monat
Elidan1012
Elidan1012

win-win

Vor Monat
RAF Dahouk
RAF Dahouk

Comedy gold

Vor Monat
Jules Iglesia
Jules Iglesia

What's the intro music?

Vor Monat
Jules Iglesia
Jules Iglesia

@HEYMATE - sweeet

Vor Monat
HEYMATE
HEYMATE

madeon - finale

Vor Monat
Oskar winters
Oskar winters

the funny thing is youtube is full of tutorials to do it well. But instead ur partner watches diy how to make a swing set for a child you don't have or how to weld a ring....when u've just ordered some from a jeweler.

Vor Monat
TheVinnyD
TheVinnyD

Lets get this light back on _jolts_

Vor Monat
Gem ah
Gem ah

omg is this channel a real thing ??? woah :o!!!!

Vor Monat
CthulhuInc
CthulhuInc

ed gamble is the luckiest guy in the world, being your friend

Vor Monat
KoshiCookie
KoshiCookie

So glad to finally see a place bringing everything from the funniest man I know of together

Vor Monat
rebeka romo
rebeka romo

The best

Vor Monat
Dj Nobby Dorkside /Roland Aira
Dj Nobby Dorkside /Roland Aira

Alright pal ? I was also born in Kettering, Northants. Glad you made it out..Bwahaahaaa.your a pioneer.

Vor Monat
Stephen Mataganog
Stephen Mataganog

"Wing that, chance it, it's not your back" 🤣😂🤣

Vor Monat
jen e
jen e

Hes such a good comedian, hes got structure. Though I think his style is a hit or miss depending on the generation, the way he speaks is hilarious to a lot of younger audiences but my dad doesnt understand it. If you dont find him funny, fair do, find yourself another comedian, simply really

Vor Monat
Nicholas Skullion
Nicholas Skullion

Legend

Vor Monat
Evil Pancakes
Evil Pancakes

You need to post MOREEEEEEEEEE

Vor Monat
haymakers210
haymakers210

Mass - odge

Vor Monat
Emily
Emily

1:07 "paisley paisley makes the girls go crazley"😂😂😂❤️

Vor Monat
Gnorts Mr Alien
Gnorts Mr Alien

"Crazily", I think ;)

Vor 26 Tage
Cubert Pigg
Cubert Pigg

It's true!

Vor Monat
Scott Kazmer
Scott Kazmer

You don't know what 65F is.

Vor Monat
Danny ings better than Ronaldo STON
Danny ings better than Ronaldo STON

Lee evans is better in my opinion

Vor Monat
Neil Curran
Neil Curran

Honestly , I hope he has a proper job. He gets work on British tv and gets to do the apollo, but I have yet to hear him say one sentence to make me even smirk let alone laugh. He is a one man laughter free zone.

Vor Monat
TRbolt 07
TRbolt 07

Comedy is relative. I think. I don't really know. But not every comedian is for everyone. Pour exemple, I dont really like Ricky Gervais.

Vor Monat
Tom forealz
Tom forealz

Then why are you here? Why not just watch clips of comedians you like instead of moaning on others??

Vor Monat
Nerdzel
Nerdzel

These VIDEOS always get my mood UP UP UP THANKSSS

Vor Monat
Nerdzel
Nerdzel

Is this the OFFICIAL official James caster?😳

Vor Monat
Pangaea for the Pangaeids
Pangaea for the Pangaeids

Cubert Pigg ah yeah, of course. Man, I got the quote and the person wrong. Shouldn’t get tipsy I suppose

Vor Monat
Cubert Pigg
Cubert Pigg

@Pangaea for the Pangaeids Nah, nah, nah, "Finders keepers. Shut up," isn't James Caster. That's Pat Springleaf.

Vor Monat
Pangaea for the Pangaeids
Pangaea for the Pangaeids

Cubert Pigg finders keepers, so what?

Vor Monat
Cubert Pigg
Cubert Pigg

Yes, James Caster. The man who invented sugar. Those delicious bastards called Tate and Lyle stole his recipe.

Vor Monat
Sahil Ahuja
Sahil Ahuja

Watch His Special Repertoire. He is A Genius Comedian. More People Should Know About Him. A Legend.

Vor Monat
Warrior420
Warrior420

@F.D.R ftw iT iS youtubE, noT aN englisH exaM. capitlisE anY letterS yoU wanT everybodY.

Vor Monat
F.D.R ftw
F.D.R ftw

Might I ask why you chose to capitalise the first letter of every word in that paragraph?

Vor Monat
Nehan Udawatte
Nehan Udawatte

@Georgia Kaye you kinda need to watch the first one for the reoccurring gag of starting/stopping his watch when he stands up or sits down

Vor Monat
Georgia Kaye
Georgia Kaye

My favorite part of Repertoire is that it doesn't matter which one you start on

Vor Monat
It's Harry
It's Harry

Favourite comedian

Vor Monat
Henry Brett
Henry Brett

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Vor Monat
Brychan Cymru
Brychan Cymru

Anyone know the song at the start?

Vor Monat
Zarreena Brown
Zarreena Brown

Madeon - Finale

Vor Monat
TRbolt 07
TRbolt 07

@Aaron Conway Yes.

Vor Monat
Aaron Conway
Aaron Conway

Darude - Sandstorm

Vor Monat
Gio Pirro
Gio Pirro

Rubbish

Vor Monat
Mr. February
Mr. February

Rbbsh

Vor 17 Tage
Adam Craig
Adam Craig

Shibrub

Vor Monat
Aimee H
Aimee H

rhusbib

Vor Monat
TRbolt 07
TRbolt 07

bihsrub

Vor Monat
wormnog
wormnog

Hsibbur

Vor Monat
Olivia Young
Olivia Young

legend says he responds

Vor Monat
Alice Mei
Alice Mei

Goodness, James sure does have a lot of enemies. 🥦

Vor Monat
Fatima Yeaten
Fatima Yeaten

Don't know what you mean

Vor Monat
Bam Leith
Bam Leith

No matter how much I watch these I always have to rewatch because his delivery is so great

Vor Monat
Charlotte Dekle
Charlotte Dekle

“Is die plural and dice singular? Anyway he killed two people by mistake” I’m cackling

Vor Monat
Joe Burnett
Joe Burnett

I love when he starts stompin about after making fuckin crop circles hahahaha

Vor Monat
Joe Burnett
Joe Burnett

My favourite joke is the loch ness monster one. James is truly underrated!

Vor Monat
Kieran Bratson
Kieran Bratson

Funny cos random!

Vor Monat
Widdekuu91
Widdekuu91

I went to a high-unqualified masseuse because my shoulder was absolutely killing me (still does at the moment.) It was like a sitcom. First she smeared coconut-oil on my back, without asking me first. I was honest to her and said that it smelled funny. She said; 'Yeah I've been too busy to buy new one, I think this one's gone rancid.' Then she massaged my back, but everytime I asked her to please move to the shoulder, she'd sigh and say; 'But I'm sitting too far away for that.." It was easier on her legs to sit and easier on her arms to massage my left shoulder (where there was no pain...) At some point I basically demanded that she'd massage my right shoulder and she did, for a minute or two. That was a relief and judging by the noises, those shouldermuscles were mummified or something, because it went knick-knack-knick-knack with every touch. Either way, she then picked up the phone that rang and left me laying there, no explanation. Turns out the phonecall was for a colleague. She walked out of the door and left the door wideopen behind her, so the people in the hallway could see me. I confronted her about it and she said it's forbidden to lock anyone in. I said; 'Next time, leave the door open a little bit then, not fully open.' When she returned to my back, she was frustrated and started pinching my neck-muscles. Réálly hard. I teared up, but she insisted it needed to happen. Right after this, she got another call, picked it up and it was for the colleague again. So she went to the door, opened it, yelled for the colleague and the colleague came to the door. I looked back and saw the colleagues face appear in the doorway, while I, again, was clearly on the table, not wearing a bra. After this, I confronted the sorry-excuse-for-a-masseuse again and she said that the colleague was a professional, no worries. And there were 10 minutes left. "Try to relax" she said. And I tried my absolute best. 5 minutes before the 45-minutes were over, she said; 'What is the main source of your stress, would you say? What about former relationships? Did you have a good ending to that relationship or did you end it in a fight?" I mumbled it had not been a good ending and said I'd rather not end the massage with that subject. She said; 'Ofcourse, sorry.' And then; 'But I ám curious though, if you feel bothered by that stress a lot. People can be really down after a breakup. May I ask, how long were you together and what kind of problem occurred?" After I defended my privacy and put my clothes back on (she didn't properly wipe away the oil, so that was sticky as f) she immediately planned me in the agenda for the upcoming weeks, because she 'really couldn't do much about my shoulder" (that she touched for 2 minutes.) At home, I was very itchy (and smelled of rancid oil.) I took my shirt off and noticed I was absolutely covered in red 'dots' that, even after proper washing, didn't disappear until two days later. I mean, next time I will just throw myself in a pit of fighting hogs, because I bet that'll be a more pleasant smell and a more gentle touch.

Vor Monat
Widdekuu91
Widdekuu91

@Marc Newman Well, I'm a smart enough cookie to know it's you're :) :P (Just kidding) I was mainly a painful cookie, there was no other masseuse available and I wanted to give her a second chance. Whenever she díd massage my shoulders, it felt better afterwards, but I had to keep correcting her behaviour the entire time and after she crossed a couple of other lines, I send her an angry letter and told her I was no longer going to visit.

Vor Monat
Marc Newman
Marc Newman

@Widdekuu91 You went back! Then your not the smartest cookie are you.

Vor Monat
gomonkeyfly
gomonkeyfly

here's an idea, go to a physical therapist? they are actually medically certified so hopefully they got standards.

Vor Monat
ididaflip
ididaflip

@Widdekuu91 Honestly, more fool you for going back for more after that treatment.

Vor Monat
Ami Askew
Ami Askew

That's… not okay. Crotch almost in the face isn't as uncommon (Shoulders massague is the best when they're standing at your head I found out) but the behavior? Def not good.

Vor Monat
WOW Mario
WOW Mario

“No more jobs”

Vor Monat
Matt Splevins Music
Matt Splevins Music

best day ever was seeing james at the melbourne comedy festival, turned into the worst when he mentioned boris johnson and i wooped. still haunts me to this day.

Vor Monat
Paul Tapping
Paul Tapping

Shame! Shaaaaaaaaame!

Vor Monat
Myrdin Osrek
Myrdin Osrek

U wot m8

Vor Monat
God
God

You wooped.

Vor Monat
Odd James
Odd James

Much love from Michigan You Weirdo

Vor Monat
Gandalf the Grey
Gandalf the Grey

Omg the description hahaha

Vor Monat
Patrick, nice
Patrick, nice

i've already seen all these videos why am i here

Vor Monat
Snoep Animation
Snoep Animation

Sometimes when a mommy and daddy like each other very much...

Vor 2 Tage
GAY GOC
GAY GOC

literally

Vor Monat
Natty B
Natty B

Because he is a national treasure so it's the rules

Vor Monat
cathymeikle
cathymeikle

James, you are the cold lasagne of comedy 👌 Absolutely fucking amazing.

Vor Monat
Rav3n Corvus
Rav3n Corvus

Is this the real James acaster or a fan?

Vor Monat
Tyler Strodtman
Tyler Strodtman

@TheVinnyD ...you don't need to know why.

Vor Monat
anthony-y
anthony-y

Real. He's got the verified checkmark.

Vor Monat
TheVinnyD
TheVinnyD

Well James Acaster doesn't exist. This is a man in witness protection so keep it down yeah

Vor Monat
jon c
jon c

Official youtube

Vor Monat
Oliver Evans
Oliver Evans

It's an official channel but it won't be him controlling it, likely his management or perhaps the great benito

Vor Monat
Jamie Woodhouse
Jamie Woodhouse

The best

Vor Monat
Tina Higgins
Tina Higgins

He's just one of our best comedians - EVER!

Vor Monat
Amelie Major
Amelie Major

man i love this guy

Vor Monat
Kieran Daniels
Kieran Daniels

Yeaa

Vor Monat
Tom
Tom

The opening joke was the best

Vor Monat
Melophile Meower
Melophile Meower

Haven’t watched it yet but I’m already laughing 😂

Vor Monat
Blank Blank
Blank Blank

Best opener: “yeaa”

Vor Monat
justusbraz
justusbraz

I saw him live and he came out in a new jumper and talked about it for the first 15 minutes. He also “wears sunglasses now”. It was one of my favorite live comedy experiences.

Vor Monat
WDJS22
WDJS22

Or he goes “...alright”

Vor Monat

Nächstes Video

James Acaster MOCK THE WEEK COMPILATION (series 15)

24:35

James Acaster on Blockbusters

24:20

James Acaster on Blockbusters

Stranger Crack

Aufrufe 479 000

James Acaster's Best Taskmaster Moments

15:43

James Acaster's Best Taskmaster Moments

Taskmaster

Aufrufe 2 000 000

James Acaster on QI 2020 (Quality and Quantity)

12:04

James Acaster - New Zealand Comedy Gala 2013

07:12

James Acaster - New Zealand Comedy Gala 2013

James Acaster

Aufrufe 1 200 000