Rethinking infidelity ... a talk for anyone who has ever loved | Esther Perel

  • Am Vor 7 years

    TEDTED

    Visit TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized Talk recommendations and more.

    Infidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic: because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected - an expression of longing and loss. A must-watch for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.

    The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know.

    Follow TED on Twitter: twitter.com/TEDTalks
    Like TED on Facebook: facebook.com/TED
    Subscribe to our channel: de-film.com/us/TED

    TED's videos may be used for non-commercial purposes under a Creative Commons License, Attribution-Non Commercial-No Derivatives (or the CC BY - NC - ND 4.0 International) and in accordance with our TED Talks Usage Policy ( www.ted.com/about/our-organiz... . For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), please submit a Media Request at media-requests.ted.com

Aaron
Aaron

An affair isn't always the end of a relationship but it is always the end of the relationship as it was once known.

Jessica D.F
Jessica D.F

This was very insightful and captivating. "Many cheaters feel guilty for hurting their partner but not about the affair itself "💯

John van Gurp
John van Gurp

44 years with my sweetie and I’ve never strayed once… I made a commitment out of love and it’s as strong as ever.

Debra Deane
Debra Deane

My marriage is ending because my spouse is a repeat offender. He is also a covert, passive-aggressive narcissist and a frustrated closeted bisexual. I cannot have my health or sanity compromised any longer.

Melissa Delgadillo
Melissa Delgadillo

Beautifully said.That’s the paradox of infidelity. As a victim of it, it breaks you and makes you feel worthless. But to live in a sea of resentment is to not live at all. You must find a way to reconcile the pain so you can move forward in that relationship if you choose to do so. You must find your own happiness within yourself and live your truth despite what’s happening around you. There is no black & white, right or wrong. There is only moving forward in the best way you can handle and feel capable of in that moment.

Unni Nk
Unni Nk

Choosing to stay when you can leave is the new shame. This is gold❤️

Chris
Chris

She's a powerful and brilliant orator. It seems like many here missed her message. She is against infidelity, yet does not cover her ears and shout when both perspectives are examined. She is presenting her analysis of both perspectives, that of the cheat and that of the betrayed. She is very scientific and unbiased, and this speech was very insightful.

Vor 6 years
b a e y
b a e y

09:43

Giannantonio Zampolli
Giannantonio Zampolli

The only explanation for infidelity is "selfishness". I have been cheated by my wife, meanwhile me ( a man) have rejected ALL the opportunities to cheat on her. Do you want multiple partners throughout your life? Then, do not get married, period!!!!! Simple solution! Do not play with the emotions and life of another human being! Don't need an expert to come up with this solution. And this is the solution for both sides....Very good presentation by the way....

Fatima Ong
Fatima Ong

This made me cry and laugh at the same time. Being cheated on especially on this digital age is traumatic yet life changing.

wilson rawlin
wilson rawlin

So well said. An affair is a terrible thing and so destructive to a married couple. Like she said if you put the effort of having an affair into your marriage would be powerful to strengthen the marriage.

Duncan Songa
Duncan Songa

The most sober and balanced advice on infidelity that I've come across! There's no religion angle to it, just contemporary living ethos.

Kit Bek
Kit Bek

"Not looking for another person, but looking for another self." That hit me hard.

Vor 2 years
GurraGo
GurraGo

12:30

Alyssa Guihama
Alyssa Guihama

One of the best TED talks ever, I was genuinely engaged in how eloquent she presents such an intriguing topic 👏🏽 Excellent!

joo
joo

i think the most hurtful thing about an affair is thinking of what you were doing while it was happening. Thinking of being at work, Thinking of the times you went to the store, the times u were sleeping and were so naive. You feel bad for yourself, you question what’s true and what’s not. The hardest part is not forgiving the act, it’s forgetting the act. It’s so hard to not ask for constant validation and then wonder if what they’re telling u is even real. Feeling like “this person looked me in my eyes right after they did it and didn’t even feel the guilt”. It’s a scary thought. It makes you question yourself. I don’t know if I can ever let this go but I want to trust him more than anything, I want what he’s saying so badly to be true.

Hummingbyrde
Hummingbyrde

I have listened to this speech a dozen time. Each time I hear something new I didn’t hear before. This woman is brilliant and her insight so helpful

NurseKate67
NurseKate67

After being cheated on by my (now) ex-husband multiple times, my confidence was completely destroyed, and I no longer trust any man to be faithful. The worst betrayal was from friends. I was literally the only person in our town who didn't know he was cheating. In our first year of marriage he cheated over 12 times with various women. All my friends knew....and said nothing. I was made a fool of. And will never be made a fool of again by any man. One of the biggest problems with our society today is that affairs are now more of a form of entertainment. Our society has become so self-centered that people cheat without giving any thought to the pain and sadness they will cause to their spouse and children.

Quite Indeed
Quite Indeed

The worst part of this whole ordeal, is that for those of us who are truly monogamous, are also sadly the most vulnerable.

Vor 3 years
Tony P
Tony P

It is never the same. To anyone who experiences it, walk away IMMEDIATELY.

Vor 21 Tag

Nächster

Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

22:20

Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person

The School of Life

Aufrufe 8 000 000

Hocus Pocus 2 is kinda dumb...

18:20

Hocus Pocus 2 is kinda dumb...

Alex Meyers

Aufrufe 378 193

How to fix a broken heart | Guy Winch

12:26

Infidelity and the Future of Relationships

1:00:20

Infidelity and the Future of Relationships

The Aspen Institute

Aufrufe 461 000

Should I Ignore Nice Thoughts? | Eckhart Tolle

15:34