How to Deal with Difficult People | Jay Johnson | TEDxLivoniaCCLibrary

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    From co-workers and colleagues to friends and family, we are faced with challenging relationships daily. Unfortunately, we often go about managing them the wrong way. Only by elevating our understanding of behavior and acting through an internalized approach will we be able to master the conflicts created by dealing with difficult people. Jay Johnson is a trainer specializing in communication and leadership development. Using a unique perspective of behavioral intelligence, Jay empowers people and organizations across the globe stretching from Main Street to Wall Street. Jay is a designated Master Trainer through the Association for Talent Development (ATD). He is a two-time Excellence in Training Award recipient from the National Association of Professional Communication Consultants and in 2017 he was named “Top Trainer” by the ATD Detroit Chapter. Jay has a devotion to teaching and learning, and is passionate about inspiring people to reach peak performance in work and in life. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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NOTES You can't change the way people behave. Change the way you label people . Archetypes such as "one uppers" or "gosspiers" Why should we have to change ourselves for the way someone else's behaviour? Because it's your stress levels which increase. If you saw someone else do the same thing you wouldn't mind them . There's a bias. If we can explain behaviours then we can reduce it Use inclusive language 'I noticed we are having some difficulty communicating' I am also a difficult person for some people. - Take a deep breath ( telling out system) - Counting to 10 ( "Why don't we take a step back and come at this again with clear heads?") - Separate out the person from the behaviour

Vor 3 Tage
Ran Ren
Ran Ren

What if there lacks such a kind compassionate mediator who happens to have such a power to bring conflicting people together? Any thoughts

Vor 4 Tage
Emma Critchlow
Emma Critchlow

JUST WHAT I NEEDED TODAY

Vor 5 Tage
Angel Gb
Angel Gb

How about dealing with someone who’s being toxic not with me but with the people around us and then he/she will gossip or say something to make me agree with her opinion/perspective?!?

Vor 6 Tage
Youli Lee
Youli Lee

Some people gets more difficult as I try to be nice. They think I am an easy and weak person so start to say whatever they think without a filtering. I learned it is better to shut them off for my mind peace. Between two individuals, putting an effort one way doesn’t work.

Vor 6 Tage
adongu
adongu

Summary because he wasn't very clear in summarizing the points at the end. You can't can't other people's behavior, change yourselves because its your stress 4 quadrants of Behavior Intelligence in context of difficult people: (E.P.I.C.) A. EXPLAIN other people's behavior as our friend(passionate vs stubborn) * Ask why this person is showing these behaviors * Don't label person as difficult as that will give you negative bias in your judgement B. PREDICT behaviors ahead of time to reduce uncertainty and anxiety during uncertain conversation C. INFLUENCE other's behavior using inclusive language using "We" and "I" and NOT "YOU" blaming language * RECOGNITION/REWARD of other person to show you value other person to build rapport D. Control our own behavior - be self aware that you react a certain way to certain behaviors, take deep breathes to relax and time to react appropriately

Vor 7 Tage
Louise Forde
Louise Forde

Some people come from a space of competition and the consequent threat. Sometimes people function from a place of competition and this can be harmful to the individual and for others because not every situation is about competition and not every other person is competition. Be careful using narcissism too much because it seldom applies in daily life and can lose meaning with overuse. Keep in mind that "difficult" people can be functioning from a belief system run by competition and seldom about win/win.

Vor 8 Tage
Jay
Jay

"It's your heart attack" food for thought 😊

Vor 9 Tage
J
J

Doesn't work with a narcissist.

Vor 10 Tage
Morad Alhaddad
Morad Alhaddad

كما جاء في القرآن الكريم (إن بعض الظن إثم) صدق الله العظيم، باللّٰه في أحسن من الإسلام😊😊😊

Vor 10 Tage
Sherlock Was here
Sherlock Was here

There are people who are never pleased with anything...no matter what. Waste of time and effort. Toxic to be around. Avoid overly association with them because they will only drag you down with their discontentment with the world

Vor 11 Tage
Miss Miss
Miss Miss

Not helpful when dealing with manipulators or ill intentioned people.

Vor 12 Tage
JustDoIt
JustDoIt

I asked a client a simple question about his business (to help him with strategy) and he didn't have an answer. His incompetence lay bare he burst out with abuse. But need the extra money. How to work with such idiots

Vor 12 Tage
Rosa Pasquantonio
Rosa Pasquantonio

Excellent!

Vor 14 Tage
D Legionnaire
D Legionnaire

THE MERCENARY NOW ON DVD AND ON AMAZON PRIME VIDEO.....................................................march or die ex 2 REPTILE FFL SNIPER

Vor 15 Tage
Black Hair
Black Hair

a sailors hat would go well with that outfit.

Vor 17 Tage
Lizzie Choate
Lizzie Choate

Every behavior you describe perfecty describes my soon to be ex!!

Vor 17 Tage
Jima berrma
Jima berrma

follow him on WhatsApp number +2348144358180

Vor 13 Tage
Jima berrma
Jima berrma

You don't have to end your relationship because of difficult mind set,I know of a powerful man who can help you

Vor 13 Tage
Blassom Empress
Blassom Empress

He is lowkye like me I absorbed..

Vor 18 Tage
m gray
m gray

Wonderful, just got through talking with my mother about my dad being difficult. And up this appears! Go figure

Vor 19 Tage
kazeegraphy
kazeegraphy

12:10

Vor 20 Tage
Good Joke
Good Joke

5:53 It sums it all !

Vor 23 Tage
Asma Malik
Asma Malik

Sir i am dealing with a very difficut person . its a stalker . he doesn't know how to talk face to face. He hides himself if i try to talk can you help me in anyway

Vor 26 Tage
Gellyjoon_Gaming
Gellyjoon_Gaming

I hope I can forgive them

Vor 28 Tage
annon #
annon #

Yo i google how to deal with a crazy person "SCREAMING" at work and quoting random movies ...this is rubbish

Vor Monat
alexander savcenko
alexander savcenko

this will help me to deal with myself

Vor Monat
Rusty
Rusty

i wanna dig out my coworkers innards with a shovel.....and kinda want to eat it too

Vor Monat
Ur Mad
Ur Mad

Anyone else dealing with an annoying brother

Vor Monat
Sulekha Chandra
Sulekha Chandra

Amazing

Vor Monat
Be Kind Short Film
Be Kind Short Film

If your having a bad day and need cheering up check out my Shortfilm 🙏🏾🌍 love you all x

Vor Monat
Veerappan Kr
Veerappan Kr

Highly valuable one! Kudos!

Vor Monat
Tyler Jhonson
Tyler Jhonson

I deal with someone who is all of the above at once, on a daily basis.

Vor Monat
L L
L L

I really like the speaker... worrying about my heart attack.

Vor Monat
Bob Jary
Bob Jary

Yeah... Try telling your self (lungs limbic system whatever...) to take a deep breath when the lion looks at you as the next item on the menu. I think your lower road and many other paths knows the difference

Vor Monat
acajudi100
acajudi100

put a d before anger, and you get danger...Avoid arguing..Walk away. Smile at them, and drive them crazy.

Vor Monat
acajudi100
acajudi100

Studio apartments and online work and training for everyone.. No need for homeless people or hunger anywhere in the world. Live and let live.

Vor Monat
Veerappan Kr
Veerappan Kr

How different is behaviour intelligence from emotional intelligence? Do they both overlap or just different terminologies?

Vor Monat
Li Hong
Li Hong

He is kind of cute.

Vor Monat
Turning Point
Turning Point

I enjoyed this talk I’m applying it to help me get through a difficult divorce so thank you

Vor Monat
Paz Since81
Paz Since81

You forgot the... “THIS PERSON REMINDS ME OF SOMEONE, ...NOW I KNOW I HATEM”...

Vor Monat
Good Joke
Good Joke

" It is *your* heart attack " For me , This sums it all

Vor Monat
Buzz Light year
Buzz Light year

Ive just experience one 2 days ago, straight out of the blue. Metal illnesses is created by these situations, wars fought all around the world, but its the men that do up close and personal that suffer the most.

Vor Monat
Eric Newman
Eric Newman

Dhiraj

Vor Monat
BobRooney
BobRooney

i dont really experience this because i never stay long enough in any company, at the most 2 years, and i really dont develop any long term relationships with anyone, and for good reason. i always jump job to job because lets face it, a 1% raise is a laughable joke. i can easily give myself a 10-15% raise by changing companies. this has been my method since 1998 when i learned my lesson and stopped being loyal and devoted to any company. i use them and move up the ladder. because at the end of they day, they will throw you away like what happened to me in my job in 1998. never again. many workplaces are toxic, so my method is a way to escape the nonsense. yes, i forfeit tenured accrued vacation, meaning if i stayed with the same company for 20 years, i would have had double the vacation time that i have now, but i would be making half the salary based on my projections. money means everything to me. because it is always there, in sickness and in health, and always makes me happy.

Vor Monat
Maria Rosales
Maria Rosales

Gracias por compartir, interesante tema.todo depende de uno ,creer o no creer,aceptar o rechazar , mejorar o empeorar.ten la seguridad de elegir.

Vor Monat
barbara psomas
barbara psomas

Thanks to you Jay, I've learn a lot today your words are so true. This speech is for someone who have love and who wants to see the better in someone else, to see someone change by saying a good word, i have tried your method and it works. Love, care and respect others really works.

Vor Monat
KY Pang
KY Pang

A very inspiring talk! I think that these techniques could be applied to my workplace as well!

Vor Monat
Marie G
Marie G

Thank you Pr. Sapolsky for all the research done in behaviour!

Vor Monat
Pandora Ali
Pandora Ali

Veil lifted .. deeper realisations .. brilliant presenter . Thank you to the source .

Vor Monat
Arasm
Arasm

The way he talks is so utterly boring.

Vor Monat
Reev Parish
Reev Parish

8:00 now i understand why communication and transparancy are so important despite of all issues we have.

Vor Monat
The Success Now
The Success Now

Great video. Thank you. I have also recorded a video on toxic people and how to deal with them. Check it out on my channel. Peace.

Vor Monat
Nabukenya Persy
Nabukenya Persy

Thanks a lot Mr Jay Johnson

Vor Monat
Henrique Melo
Henrique Melo

🙋‍♂️ difficult brother one!

Vor Monat
favoured blessed
favoured blessed

Am in medical school my lasy semester actually and my boss hates me and two othe coworkers i heard them discussing about me, they hate my skin colour, they wrote painful stuff stuff about me, they favor others because of their colour, i have worked hard despite loosing two pregnancies, despite having a childish boyfriend, despite moving to another country and learning anew language, i am not perfect but i want to scream at her but I can't because u respect and honor hee

Vor Monat
Super Star
Super Star

This has been incredibly helpful to me! I listened to it while I was working one day, doing a boring task, and it really did sink in. I took what he said and changed a little bit to be more fitting for myself. I don't say it's my heart attack I say it's your heart attack. So when somebody pulls out in front of me and pisses me off I say nope you're not going to give me one it's your heart attack. I just find that it feels more empowering. Also from something else I had read if you deeply inhale and exhale six times in 30 seconds it lowers your blood pressure faster than just sitting still. I wrote that on my windshield right where I could see it "6 in 30" . And you know what I used it again today and it totally helped me calm down. Hope that helps and be safe!✌💗😷

Vor 2 Monate
HAPPY DAYS
HAPPY DAYS

There’s is this guy in my company that I hate and I want to see him far away from me

Vor 2 Monate
leah fallesen
leah fallesen

What if it's one of your household family members? ....asking for a friend. 🤣

Vor 2 Monate
Nisha Nagrale
Nisha Nagrale

Look forward to working hard and leaving the house lol. No other option.

Vor 15 Tage
geniusfollower
geniusfollower

The video that Phyllis Lappin watched to deal with Angela.

Vor 2 Monate
Mark Antigen
Mark Antigen

Me, whew, ita really hare when everytime you get a conversation with them you get insulted.

Vor 2 Monate
Tom Tremayne
Tom Tremayne

And then there's one other archetype, the person who can't pronounce archetype (ark-ee-type), in this case it's the guy presenting this Ted Talk.

Vor 2 Monate
Tara ni
Tara ni

I learn only in the later life to focus on myself throughout my working experience of working with difficult people at work. I used to get really stressed out and express my annoyance and irritation working with difficult people. Now I still get annoyed but take a deep breath and tell myself focus on myself. Everyone works differently they don’t have to be what and how I wanted to be. If I don’t like it I will change it myself rather than asking them to change.

Vor 2 Monate
Adi Constantin
Adi Constantin

NVC (non-violent communication, aqa Life-Serving Communication), seems a way to connect with everyone, to enrich eachone's life

Vor 2 Monate
jz Hz
jz Hz

Lack of communication is never a way to solve issues.

Vor 2 Monate
Brian Allison
Brian Allison

Some people just need to be thrown from a helicopter.

Vor 2 Monate
Pandora Ali
Pandora Ali

Thank you for your wisdom .. recommender and the vision of Ted Ex presenters , loving this .

Vor 2 Monate
Nomad Soul
Nomad Soul

The we and us only works where people actually understand English

Vor 2 Monate
Nomad Soul
Nomad Soul

Many a times real difficult people are difficult simply because they are insecure.

Vor 2 Monate
vijay yejare
vijay yejare

One of the best speeches ever heard.Its very comprehensive,informative and interesting.

Vor 2 Monate
bedevil1
bedevil1

Jay Johnson himself is a difficult person.

Vor 2 Monate
EVIE ILES
EVIE ILES

George Floyd

Vor 2 Monate
Aminu Alaw
Aminu Alaw

Waw, this great

Vor 2 Monate
Download Deodeo
Download Deodeo

The answer begins at 12minutes.

Vor 2 Monate
Vinícius Borriello
Vinícius Borriello

Excellent speech. Offtopic: I like how the speaker looks like Howard from Better Call Saul.

Vor 2 Monate
Sweet Angel
Sweet Angel

Omg you are amazing

Vor 2 Monate
Luan Vickers
Luan Vickers

AWESOME

Vor 2 Monate
MAX RED ECLIPSE TOA WHITE RANGER
MAX RED ECLIPSE TOA WHITE RANGER

Respect your co workers & your boss. Avoid being nosy & keep your pace at ace. Thank you.

Vor 2 Monate
Ching Bachiller
Ching Bachiller

Gossipers are character assassinations. They are toxic people. Go away with them. Lord forgive them.

Vor 2 Monate
David Israel
David Israel

influence others behavior...pray for them....ask why they gossip? relax and do what Jesus tells you. Ask...and share what changed you, asking forgiveness and letting Jesus in to be your friend to help you, amen...people do change when we take the time...some dont atm but they get a seed in them the Word of God never fails...but we can fail actually we will unless we depend on Him.

Vor 2 Monate
TRINAfromNY
TRINAfromNY

AMEN!

Vor 2 Monate
fredricful Jacobsen.
fredricful Jacobsen.

Er du avhengi av andre for og bygge deres hus da er dere vell nøtt og betale? Di som kann bygge ting uten tegninger?

Vor 2 Monate
fredricful Jacobsen.
fredricful Jacobsen.

Di som kann bygge blokker hus leiligheter uten tegninger?

Vor 2 Monate
fredricful Jacobsen.
fredricful Jacobsen.

Vist mann ikke en gang kann bygge 1 hus uten tegning da er du vell ikke mye og samle på?

Vor 2 Monate
الاهداف
الاهداف

Awesome videoooo. Take care

Vor 2 Monate
Michael Mcgregor
Michael Mcgregor

I feel as I used to be a more difficult, angry impatient person due to external stresses. It wasn't fair on my family and work colleagues. Thank God I recognised the problem. The important point I took from this is "it's my heart attack" I'm happier, my family are happier and I think I relate to people much better.

Vor 2 Monate
PropRotor Nut
PropRotor Nut

What do you do when a co-worker threatens to kill you, follows you home, lies to bosses and sabotages your work, then tries to run you over with his car and continues to threaten to kill you even if you report them to the employer and the police? Glasgow University, Scotland , 2006.

Vor 2 Monate
Bob Wilson
Bob Wilson

You don't I wish people would stop dealing with all the destructive people in society's and let the hang out to rot and stop creating thier spawn get rid of them all.

Vor 2 Monate
S Stritmatter
S Stritmatter

This us good for people who are normal but there is a higher level when you're dealing with personality disorder and instability. I worked with someone like that who was a higher level than me and I wrote Statements to their boss when it was extreme. Like severe bullies real world ur doesn't go right away because if once - they'll start pushing boundaries again. It took me 4 Statements to finally have some correction and it's still a fragile truce. So the thing I say with some difficult people us learn you deserve basic respect and from there set boundaries. BOUNDARIES ok. Lastly it's not your problem it's there's but self observe to make sure you don't contribute. Be happy you aren't them.

Vor 3 Monate
Kim Provost sr.
Kim Provost sr.

Great points proves that its an individual thing.

Vor 3 Monate
Elvin Huseynov
Elvin Huseynov

Thank you!

Vor 3 Monate
Japanese Maple
Japanese Maple

This really helped me today

Vor 3 Monate
Kha Numi
Kha Numi

Hurt people, hurt people.

Vor 3 Monate
Sgk Glass
Sgk Glass

Wise words, thanks.

Vor 2 Monate
I Love Sports
I Love Sports

This man is saving lives.

Vor 3 Monate
Sonya Harvey
Sonya Harvey

it's good to remember people are people - see them as the man, woman, wife, mother, husband, father, daughter, son that they are and find some common ground - football, kids, cooking - that will make the relationship more human

Vor 3 Monate
Clarissa Gonzalez-Magana
Clarissa Gonzalez-Magana

Difficult mother in law problems

Vor 3 Monate
Thomas Stanford
Thomas Stanford

This doesn't work in a retail environment 😄.

Vor 3 Monate
송형형
송형형

Hands up , let us see how many NO-SAINT peoples like me just can not follow this difficulty guy.

Vor 3 Monate
Brittany BMW
Brittany BMW

No I won't be fake wtf

Vor 3 Monate
Nikunj Majithia
Nikunj Majithia

12:27 I WOKE UP MY WHOLE FAMILY!!!!! LAUGHING COME ON MAN!!!! I couldnt hold my laughter and ended up vomiting a little I have a werid funny bone

Vor 3 Monate
khawla Al Hafiz
khawla Al Hafiz

That is true we often did not try to use active listening skill, also we did not be patient to know what others mean. Communications skills nowadays everything's. And were health are really matter. So we need to talk and Express what we feel with a good way and without stress and anger.

Vor 3 Monate
Zoe Owen
Zoe Owen

I feel like I dont really know how to put the changing my behaviour into practise. The example he gave us, the situation was resolved by a third party. I dont think I really understand how we would even go about that.

Vor 3 Monate
Medical Interest
Medical Interest

Jay Johnson you are dapper lad. A sharp dresser ready for gymnastics. You have the moves. I bet you could dance around any difficult person. I enjoyed your talk. My favorite response to attack statements is: "That's interesting. Why do you think or say that?" Active listening is what I think you are promoting. I enjoy debates but many people don't so I try to be discerning.

Vor 3 Monate
Ina Mart
Ina Mart

Watch it now...u are talking about me lol

Vor 3 Monate
irene mommers
irene mommers

brillant talk !

Vor 3 Monate

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